Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
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Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
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I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
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