you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
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I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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