So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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