If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
The beer is more important than you right now.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Randomize
