i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
farters have to be the big spoon...
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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