I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
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