May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
