Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize