you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
