sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
