Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
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I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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