I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
