The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
