He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
People in love make me want to vomit
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
