I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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