My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
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