think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I'm passing your future prison.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
