yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
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