I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
