i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
