Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Just fell off a train. Bad.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
