i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just googled if crying burns calories
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
