Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
