i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
Randomize