Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
