the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
