Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
