I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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