i barfeds in our rink
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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