Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
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