at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
