I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
