The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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