I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
