Pass out mid-funnel last night.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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