We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize