We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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