I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
