So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
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