He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I have grass duct taped all over my body
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
