Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Randomize
