She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
How does one acquire holy water?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
