just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize