It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
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Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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