Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Randomize
