just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
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