so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
