Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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