he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
