i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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