Your face is a jimmy john
I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
