Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
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