Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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