Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I want a musical about memes.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
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