Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
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...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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