well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
